Hula Woes

My talents are few. I was never the best athlete. I was one of the worst singers in school. I can't draw or do crafts. Math continues to elude me. But one skill was mine. I could hula. In fifth grade, I was the hula hoop champ of Longfellow Elementary. Really. We had a field day, and I won that category. Obviously, that victory has stayed with me. I would hula hoop whenever the opportunity presented itself. (You would be surprised at how infrequently it did, but I was always ready.)

My friend's kindergartener recently showed me her new playroom and my eyes widened when I saw two hula hoops propped in the corner. We both took one. I popped mine over my head and began. The hoop shimmied down to my ankles. I gasped. I tried again. And again. The hoop fell to the floor every time. Maddie hula-ed solemnly, sympathetic to my distress as the truth finally dawned on me.

It was never skill. It was because I was the flattest kid in my entire elementary school. Now, apr├Ęs Baby C, I have an undeniable pot belly. I was actually somewhat okay with the potbelly until that moment in the basement. But no figure and no hula hoop? That's just not fair at all.


  1. I could have written your story 3 years ago when I bought Kent a hula (every child should have one - no?) and proceeded to show him how gracefully it could be done. To my utter shock, my hoop fell within seconds. It cannot be I thought. (While I was not dubbed hula champ, I could certainly hold my own when it came to the circular motion hip art.) I tried again and again it dropped like a rock before it made even one full rotation. I, in true Snow White Wicked Queen fashion, banished the vile object that was the painful reminder of my youthful body long lost.

  2. It's not you, it's the hoop.

    You need a grown up hoop. It's a physics thing.

    I promise.

    We went through this a couple of years ago. I even blogged about it.

    I'm betting you still "got it."

  3. It's the hoop?! There's hope?! Who knew that despair over the demise of one's hula hooping abilities was so universal?


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